雅思大作文高分范文——幼兒園好還是家人好

雅思托?？荚囀且粋€(gè)非常有難度的考試，相信很多在備考階段的小伙伴們，每天都在關(guān)注一些雅思相關(guān)的消息。有同學(xué)問(wèn)：雅思大作文高分范文——幼兒園好還是家人好？今天，一起來(lái)看看吧。

雅思大作文高分范文幼兒園好還是家人好

題目：Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

考官評(píng)語(yǔ): 充分回應(yīng)了寫作任務(wù)，提出了切題的觀點(diǎn)并對(duì)觀點(diǎn)進(jìn)行了拓展和支撐。行文流暢連貫，連接方式自然。分段恰當(dāng)，段間關(guān)系緊湊。詞匯豐富準(zhǔn)確。語(yǔ)法豐富，完全無(wú)錯(cuò)。

范文：274words，原網(wǎng)站評(píng)分9.

Some argue that when parents are at work, close relations provide the best care to young children, while others believe day care centres offer a better service. It is agreed that while some relatives take care of youngsters extremely well, childcare professionals offer a better overall service. This essay will first discuss the merits of family members looking after pre-schoolers, secondly, an analysis of childcare centres services, followed by a reasoned conclusion.

解讀：開頭段任務(wù)回應(yīng)充分，但個(gè)人覺(jué)得篇幅過(guò)長(zhǎng)，出現(xiàn)了詞匯重復(fù)，應(yīng)簡(jiǎn)化。值得學(xué)習(xí)的是改述方式和話題詞匯的替換表達(dá)，例如，第一句調(diào)換了題中兩種觀點(diǎn)的出現(xiàn)順序;題中的family members被替換為colse relations和some relatives , carers替換為provide the best care和take care of，題中的childcare centres被替換為day care centres和childcare professionals，children被替換為youngsters和pre-schoolers.

Many parents in full-time employment prefer to leave their young ones with grandparents and siblings when they are at work. This is often a trust issue, as the parents feel their child will be safer with someone from within the family nucleus. For example, a recent study showed that 62% of working mothers prefer a member of the immediate family to provide care when they are working. However, most kin are not trained childcare professionals and may not have the skills required to fully nurture a child.

解讀：第一句呼應(yīng)開頭段觀點(diǎn)句的預(yù)告，說(shuō)明為什么工作的父母托家人照顧孩子。第二句解釋原因。第三句舉例。第四句承上啟下。在連接方式方面，使用了代詞、語(yǔ)篇標(biāo)記，很自然。詞匯方面，對(duì)題中的關(guān)鍵詞進(jìn)行了更豐富的替換，既體現(xiàn)了詞匯豐富性又充分回應(yīng)了題目，如working parents= parents in full-time employment = at work = are working，family members= grandparents and siblings = family nucleus = a member of the immediate family = kin，children = young ones， carers = provide care = nurture a child. 在論述方式方面，當(dāng)論述已經(jīng)較為充分，但篇幅似乎欠缺時(shí)，可以寫一個(gè)類似這個(gè)段落最后一句的句子，承上啟下，在確保篇幅的同時(shí)提升CC。

Daycare centres may be a better option due to the fact that most of their staff are highly skilled professionals. Many of their staff are highly trained and have diplomas in child development. For instance, if you want a job in a Montessori school, they will insist that you are fully qualified, with many of their staff having degrees in early years development. In spite of this, there have been recent high-profile cases of abuse within these establishments which makes some parents wary.

解讀：第一句承接上一段，呼應(yīng)開頭段觀點(diǎn)句預(yù)告的第二部分，論述幼兒園的好處，亦即自己的觀點(diǎn)。第二句解釋為什么認(rèn)為幼兒園更好。第三句舉例支撐前文。第四句反向論述。大家可結(jié)合前兩段的分析方式，對(duì)照題目關(guān)鍵詞，積累更多話題詞匯。

In summary, although there are some issues involving trust, as long as parents vet each school properly, the high level of service provided by daycare professionals trumps that of unqualified family members.

解讀：結(jié)尾段充分總結(jié)全文，沒(méi)有泛泛而談，而是使用trust、vet school properly、professionals、trump、unqualified等詞匯概括、重申了主要觀點(diǎn)。目標(biāo)7+G友應(yīng)關(guān)注結(jié)尾段的準(zhǔn)確、全面總結(jié)和用詞不重復(fù)。

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