雅思大作文批改實錄之個人努力有助環(huán)境保護

隨著全球化的加速和教育的多樣化，越來越多的學生選擇留學，而在申請國外大學時，語言考試是繞不開的一環(huán)，本文和大家說一說：雅思大作文批改實錄之個人努力有助環(huán)境保護，一起往下來看看吧。

尾段，而是檢查，是自我批改和找他人批改，唯此寫作才可精進。本文話題：個人努力有助環(huán)境保護

題目

Some people think that the environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve. Others, however, believe that the problems cannot be solved if individuals do not take some actions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

學生習作

Nowadays, there is a heated debate about whether individuals should take actions to solve environmental problems. Different people hold different opinions. In the following part I will analyze these two divergent ideas in detail and give my own opinion.

Some people think that the environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve. Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment. Only government and large companies can make a difference. In contrast, others hold different opinion that each individual should take some actions otherwise the problems cannot be solved. Individual actions, small as they may be, can be rendered much more useful than we realize.

As far as Im concerned, both are not completely objective and I agree with these two in some extend. As we all know, our environment is facing a large number of problems which need to be dealt with immediately. Undoubtedly, governments and large companies should take the responsibility to solve it. What's more, some issues even need joint international effort among different boundaries. However, does this mean that individuals don't have any responsibility?Although there is huge difficulty in solving some environmental problems for individuals, I don't think it should be an excuse for taking no action.Actually, individuals can do many small but powerful things to help to improve the environment, such as garbage sorting before throw away, refusing to use disposable chopsticks and so on. Environment protect is not such a big issue that individuals can do nothing. It is very practical and it needs each person to take some actions.

To put it into a nutshell, protecting environment and solving related problems need joint effort of both governments and individuals. Everyone should be aware of its importance, be a responsible one and take some practical actions to deal with it. Only in this way can environmental problems been solved as soon as possible.

評分：6

老雅評改

本題問：解決環(huán)境問題，個人到底能否起作用?有人說，個人不起作用，因為環(huán)保問題太大;其他人則說，沒有個人，環(huán)境問題根本不可能得到解決。顯然，這里應該將環(huán)境問題分類，一類是需要政府乃至國際合作才能解決，比如氣候問題，工廠排污問題，另一類是需要個人來解決的，比如垃圾分類，少開車等。結論當然是，解決環(huán)境問題，需要個人和政府一起努力。

習作圍繞題目要求，有一定邏輯連貫性，能夠用詞匯和語法來表達自己的思想，但整個行文廢話套話過多，寫作思維不夠規(guī)范。不少地方詞匯使用不準確，語法有錯誤，個別地方的錯誤甚至影響讀者的理解。

第1段：Nowadays, there is a heated debate about whether individuals should take actions to solve environmental problems.Different people hold different opinions. In the following part I will analyze these two divergent ideas in detail and give my own opinion.

[修改] Nowadays, there is a heated debate about whether individuals should take actions to solve environmental problems. Different people hold different opinions. In the following part I will analyze these two divergent ideas in detail and give my own opinion.

[評析] 本段第一句引出話題，接下來的兩句是模板性質的文字，沒有實質性意義。類似這種文字，看起來好像都正確，但與本話題沒有直接聯(lián)系，必須在雅思考試中消失，否則，一旦作文被認定為模板，分數(shù)就會慘不忍睹了!

第2段：Some people think that the environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve. Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment. Only government and large companies can make a difference. In contrast, others hold different opinion that each individual should take some actions otherwise the problems cannot be solved. Individual actions, small as they may be, can be rendered much more useful than we realize.

[修改] Some people claim that the environmental problems are so big that individuals can do nothing to improve the environment and only governments and large companies can make a difference. However, others hold the opposite opinion that individual actions, small as they may be, are also crucial to improve the environment, so each individual should take some actions. otherwise, the problems cannot be solved.

[評析]本段才開始陳述題目觀點。從語言上看，習作錯誤雖然不多，但是很多完全可以合并的句子被硬生生地分拆。寫到該生的程度，下一步應該考慮練習如何用語言來把有關聯(lián)的思想串起來了!從規(guī)范上講，第1段和第2段應該合并，而且第1段中的那些無聊的模板語言應該刪除。這樣，本作文的第1段就應該是這樣的：

Nowadays, there is a heated debate about whether individuals should take actions to solve environmental problems. Some people claim that the environmental problems are so big that individuals can do nothing to improve the environment and only governments and large companies can make a difference. However, others hold the opposite opinion that individual actions, small as they may be, are also crucial to improve the environment, so each individual should take some actions. otherwise, the problems cannot be solved.

第3段：As far as Im concerned, both are not completely objective and I agree with these two in some extend. As we all know, our environment is facing a large number of problems which need to be dealt with immediately. Undoubtedly, governments and large companies should take the responsibility to solve it. What's more, some issues even need joint international effort among different boundaries. However, does this mean that individuals don't have any responsibility?Although there is huge difficulty in solving some environmental problems for individuals, I don't think it should be an excuse for taking no action.Actually, individuals can do many small but powerful things to help to improve the environment, such as garbage sorting before throw away, refusing to use disposable chopsticks and so on. Environment protect is not such a big issue that individuals can do nothing. It is very practical and it needs each person to take some actions.

[修改]As we all know, there are some environmental problems which are indeed too big for individuals to solve. For example,in face of climate change such as global warming, individuals can do little to fight against it and only the governments have the ability to deal with it. Whats more, to solve some environmental issues even need international corporations. If mass water pollution is caused by oil spill in Pacific, it will be urgent for different countries to make joint effort to clean it. In this case, individuals have neither the professional skills nor the power to confront it. Although it is very difficult for individuals to solve those big environmental problems, individuals still can take some actions to make a difference. Actually, individuals can do many small but powerful things to help to improve the environment, such as garbage sorting before throwing away, refusing to use disposable chopsticks and so on. Environment protection is not such a big issue that individuals can do nothing. It is very practical and needs each person to participate.

[評析]本段先談有些環(huán)境問題是個人無法解決的，然后談個人努力能夠解決哪些環(huán)境問題。從雅思作文的規(guī)范來講，理應分兩段分別論述(放在一起也可以，但這段就會顯得過長)。老雅修改時，還是按照雅思的基本結構規(guī)范，將本段一分為二。(1)習作在講個人能對環(huán)境做什么的時候，尚可以舉出一些實際的例子，但在討論只有政府和國際合作才能解決的環(huán)境問題時，完全務虛，顯得很空洞(這里，就要考驗烤鴨們的知識面了!)，但實際上好好想想，這類例子也著實不少，比如全球變暖的問題，比如石油泄漏的問題，這些都不是我們個人能夠去解決的，需要政府和國際合作才能解決。(2)本段與第1段一樣，有很多套話廢話，應該刪除。

第4段：To put it into a nutshell, protecting environment and solving related problems need joint effort of both governments and individuals. Everyone should be aware of its importance, be a responsible one and take some practical actions to deal with it. Only in this way can environmental problems been solved as soon as possible.

[修改]To put it into a nutshell, solving environmental problems need joint effort of both governments and individuals. Everyone should be aware of its importance, be a responsible one and take practical actions. Only in this way can environmental problems been solved effectively.

[評析] 本段結尾段，總結了前文的討論并提出了自己的想法。

修改后全文

Nowadays, there is a heated debate about whether individuals should take actions to solve environmental problems. Some people claim that the environmental problems are so big that individuals can do nothing to improve the environment and only governments and large companies can make a difference. However, others hold the opposite opinion that individual actions, small as they may be, are also crucial to improve the environment, so each individual should take some actions. otherwise, the problems cannot be solved.

As we all know, there are some environmental problems which are indeed too big for individuals to solve. For example, in face of climate change such as global warming, individuals can do little to fight against it and only the governments have the ability to deal with it. Whats more, to solve some environmental issues even need international corporations. If mass water pollution is caused by oil spill in Pacific, it will be urgent for different countries to make joint effort to clean it. In this case, individuals have neither the professional skills nor the power to confront it.

Although it is very difficult for individuals to solve those big environmental problems, individuals still can take some actions to make a difference. Actually, individuals can do many small but powerful things to help to improve the environment, such as garbage sorting before throwing away, refusing to use disposable chopsticks and so on. Environment protection is not such a big issue that individuals can do nothing. It is very practical and needs each person to participate.

To put it into a nutshell, solving environmental problems need joint effort of both governments and individuals. Everyone should be aware of its importance, be a responsible one and take practical actions. Only in this way can environmental problems been solved effectively.

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