哈佛大學2023年最佳申請文書摘錄（附點評）
2023-11-06 10:54:17 來源：中國教育在線
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There’s a theory that even though each color has a specific wavelength that never changes, how people perceive a specific color may have subtle differences based on small differences in photoreceptors, and the color that one person might consider red might still be red in another’s mind but could look different— a little duller, softer, cooler. Furthermore, how a person’s brain processes the color may also be linked to that person’s environment. Some studies have suggested that color sensitivity could be linked to one’s native languages: for example, people who speak languages that have specific names for eleven colors are able to easily distinguish those eleven colors, but people who speak languages with fewer color specific words may have a harder time distinguishing them.
So it appears that even at the most elementary level of sight, the world is not an objective thing. Instead, what we know and what we remember can influence what and how we see. The color blue may just be the color blue to a three year old, perhaps her favorite color even, but an adult might connect it to so much more—the lake by his childhood home or the eye color of a loved one.
I first consciously became aware of the power that our experiences have to change perception when I went to turn on a light in my house after learning about photons in class. What had previously been a mundane light suddenly became a fascinating application of atomic structure, and I thought that I could almost perceive the electrons jumping up and down from energy level to energy level to produce the photons that I saw. I then realized that my world had steadily been changing throughout my years in school as I learned more and more. I now see oligopolies in the soda aisles of the supermarkets. I see the charges warring with each other in every strike of lightning, and the patterns of old American politics still swaying things today. Knowledge and making connections with that knowledge is the difference between seeing the seven oceans glittering in the sun and merely seeing the color blue. It’s the difference between just seeing red and seeing the scarlet of roses blooming, the burgundy of blood pumping through veins, and crimson of anger so fierce that you could burst. Knowledge is color; it is depth, and it is seeing a whole new world without having to move an inch.
It is knowledge, too, that can bring people together. I love listening to people’s stories and hearing about what they know and love, because if I learn about what they know, I can learn how they see the world; consequently, since behavior is often based upon perception, I can understand why a person behaves the way they do. On a road trip during the summer, my mom kept looking up at the streetlights lining the highways. When I asked why, she told me that whenever she saw lights by a highway she would wonder if her company had made them. She would guess how tall they were, how wide, and what style they were. She told me that ever since she started working for her company, lights no longer were just lights to her. They were a story of people who first had to measure the wind speed to figure out what dimension the lights had to be, and then of engineers, of money passing hands—possibly even under her own supervision as an accountant—and then of transportation, and of the people who had to install them. I might never perceive lights the exact way my mother does or see her “red” but by hearing her describe what she knows, I can understand her world and realize her role in ours.
Beauty and color are in the world, but it is seeking the unknown and making new connections that unlocks them from their greyscale cage.
文書內(nèi)容點評：Amy撰寫了一篇出色的、發(fā)人深省的文章，以“求知欲”為中心，使用生動的描述性語言將有趣的科學理論、顏色和視覺研究聯(lián)系起來，展示我們有限或廣泛的知識如何塑造我們的現(xiàn)實和經(jīng)驗。
整篇文章中顯而易見的是Amy不斷學習的熱情和成長，并將她的知識與周圍的環(huán)境聯(lián)系起來，以發(fā)現(xiàn)隱藏的真相。一個人可以通過學習他人的知識或故事來理解他人的行為或感知，這是一個簡單但又深刻的宏觀主題一一對知識、真理的好奇心、分享想法和經(jīng)驗無疑可以將許多人聚集在一起。我想起了狹義相對論和廣義相對論的發(fā)現(xiàn)者阿爾伯特愛因斯坦的著名自語:“我沒有特殊的才能。我只是充滿好奇。
這篇文章的結構非常好; 每一段都進一步說明了Amy對新信息和聯(lián)系的渴望?？偟膩碚f，Amy得出了一個有力的結論: 教育、同理心、傾聽、理解和聯(lián)系，所有這些都激發(fā)了她對生活的智力熱情。Amy渴望了解所有事物，尤其是人，她將自己描繪成一個充滿好奇心且討人喜歡的學生，是充滿活力的學術界的理想補充
哈佛大學2023年最佳申請文書2、When Life Doesn’t Gives You Lemons
With the blazing morning sun beaming through the window, I had an inclination to make a stand to sell Lebanese laymounada - a light lemonade flavored with a splash of rosewater. Throughout my childhood, anytime the temperature spiked over seventy degrees, there would be laymounada waiting for me at my Teta’s (grandmother in Lebanese Arabic) house.
At that moment, I scoured the cabinets and secured the glass pitcher only to realize we did not have lemons. To my disappointment, I realized my days of being an entrepreneur and generating revenue from my laymounada stand were over before they could even begin. I sat at the kitchen table, wallowing in disappointment. I wanted everyone to be able to taste my Teta’s laymounada. Suddenly, I had an idea that would either prove to be inventive or a total failure. I would sell lemonade without the lemons. Revolutionary, right?
I ripped off a rectangular sheet of paper towel and jotted down my business plan. I listed the key elements of the business plan: a drawing of a cup, a rose, and the price- “fifty scents”- to correlate with the rose-themed business. I sat outside of my childhood home located in a cul-de-sac of five houses and sold my neighbors a rose drink- a combination of filtered water, packets of sugar, and a dash of rosewater. Granted, I only made about $10 from a combination of my parents and generous neighbors who did not drink the “l(fā)emonade”, but the experience allowed me to realize regardless of the obstacle, if you are passionate, you can persevere. Teta’s laymounada was my introduction to entrepreneurship.
The entrepreneurial skills gained from my laymounada stand allowed me to establish AG Jewelry, co-founded with my sister when I was twelve. This business focused on representing our Lebanese heritage. Using supplies we found around our house and from our local craft store, we created a variety of pieces that featured traditional Middle Eastern coins, beads, and clay baked into the shape of Lebanon. My sister and I collaborated to create marketing tools to promote our new business. Before we knew it, AG Jewelry had earned a spot at my church’s annual Lebanese festival. After tirelessly marketing and selling our jewelry for three days straight, we had made over $900 in revenue, which we decided to donate to the church.
Entrepreneurship took a new form in high school when my sister and I founded our second partnership, The Model Brockton City Council. We saw a need to engage our peers in local government by designing a simulation of our city council. We had to collect signatures, present to many administrators, and market our new club. The initial goal to have more people try my lemonade resonated with me as I strived to have more people engage in their civic duties. Today, over twenty-five of my classmates frequently attend my meetings.
With my first business venture selling laymounada, I made $10; with AG Jewelry, $900; with the Model Brockton City Council, the revenue amounted to $0. Although there was not a financial gain, I attained experience as a negotiator, problem solver, creative thinker, and most importantly, I became persistent.
Twelve years have passed since that summer day with my “l(fā)aymounada,” and I have yet to maintain a long-lasting business. My six-year-old self would have seen this lack of continuity as a colossal failure, but instead, it instilled an intense curiosity in me. Little did I know the experience would remain so vivid after all these years. It has continued to push me, compelling me to challenge myself both academically and entrepreneurially. As I grow older, my intrinsic drive to have a lemonade stand, regardless of whatever obstacles come my way, persists as a deep-seated love of business.
When life doesn’t give you lemons, still make lemonade (or laymounada, as my Teta would say).
文書內(nèi)容點評：許多成功的大學論文都遵循一個簡單的公式: 鉤子+錨點+故事+成長。雖然具體細節(jié)可能有所不同，但如果您能夠包含這四個要素中的每一個，您將獲得一篇引人注目的文章。
鉤子: “鉤子”的作用是吸引讀者。招生人員每天會閱讀數(shù)百篇論文，因此請嘗試立即吸引他們的注意力。以有趣或不同的東西開始你的文章。
錨點:“錨點”是連接整篇文章并賦予其意義的想法或主題。優(yōu)秀的主播是發(fā)人深省的，讓讀者看完后感到滿足。
故事:講故事的黃金法則是“展示，而不是講述”不要只是告訴招生人員你是一個多么優(yōu)秀的人。相反，嘗試通過你的故事向他們展示你的個性、性格和成就。
成長:所有優(yōu)秀的大學論文都清楚地展示了你如何從你的經(jīng)歷中成長一定要強調(diào)你從你的經(jīng)歷中學到了什么或收獲了什么。
Georgina抓住了所有四個關鍵要素一一吸引力、錨點、故事和成長一-這就是這篇文章成功的原因。
完整文書內(nèi)容詳見：https://www.thecrimson.com/topic/sponsored-successful-harvard-essays-2023/
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