雅思作文范例欣賞雅思高分作文及點(diǎn)評

雅思托福考試是全球最廣泛使用的英語語言考試之一，被許多國家的大學(xué)、移民機(jī)構(gòu)、企業(yè)和政府部門用作衡量語言能力的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)?？忌枰诼牎⒄f、讀、寫四個(gè)方面進(jìn)行測試，其中有不少同學(xué)想要了解：雅思作文范例欣賞，雅思高分作文及點(diǎn)評，那么下面中國教育在線小編就來和大家分享一番。

雅思7分作文范文：老齡化增長的優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)

雅思作文范例

In many countries, the number of elderly people is increasing fast. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays, owning to the improvement of living condition(這里習(xí)慣用復(fù)數(shù)), people can live much longer than before, which gives rise to the fast increasing number of elderly people. Some hold that this situation will result in a series of problems, such as social burden, population expansion and so on. While others insist that it agrees the development of modern society and brings many advantages. For my part, I take the latter side with(用for) the following reasons: (74words)

點(diǎn)評：開頭稍微寫的有點(diǎn)長，不過內(nèi)容寫的還不錯(cuò)。屬于通過分析兩種不同觀點(diǎn)，最后闡述自己觀點(diǎn)的寫法。(此種寫法在雅思大作文的第一段比較常見)

美中不足的是倒數(shù)第二句的錯(cuò)誤比較明顯!while是個(gè)連詞，應(yīng)該連接句子與句子，所以這里前面不應(yīng)該是句號(hào)。后面agree是不及物動(dòng)詞，不能直接加賓語。

Firstly, elder people(一會(huì)兒elderly people,一會(huì)兒又elder people，這不是自相矛盾么!!!) are the fortune of our society. They have enough experiences and capabilities which are badly lacked and needed for our youth when dealing with all sorts of problems, they can still do well in their jobs. Especially(前面應(yīng)該用逗號(hào)，然后這里小寫) in some professions, such as teacher, doctor, scientist and so on, sometimes (前面應(yīng)該用句號(hào)，然后這里大寫)age means the authority and ability. When you see a doctor, do you prefer an elderly doctor with grey hair or a youth without mustache? (77words)

Secondly, elder people(同上) are the happiness of our society. Increasing number of elderly people is also the embodiment of our improving living quality, which shows our society run(應(yīng)該第三人稱單數(shù))to the right and healthy direction, we(前面句號(hào)，這里大寫) have more chance and time to serve our elderly people, and its the happiest time of all our life to accompany with(accompany是及物動(dòng)詞) our parents, grandparents and great grandparents. (63words)

雅思作文范例

Finally, elderly people are the lubricant of our society. They have good temper and enough patients(應(yīng)該是patience吧) to do anything, they can help us to intercede(它是不及物動(dòng)詞，而且主要用人作賓語) social disputes, and they make our society much more harmonious which(前面最好有個(gè)逗號(hào))makes for the construction of harmonious society.(43words)

正文段綜合點(diǎn)評：此篇是典型的5段式作文的寫作，正文段構(gòu)思出三個(gè)分論點(diǎn)來證明自己的觀點(diǎn)，的確在構(gòu)思上花了不少心思。但是，這里我想提的是，還是兩方面都分析一下會(huì)比較好一點(diǎn)。特別這篇文章是問優(yōu)點(diǎn)多還是缺點(diǎn)多，那么最好是缺點(diǎn)講一個(gè)，然后優(yōu)點(diǎn)再講兩個(gè)。外國人喜歡這樣的辯證分析。

其次，總的來說，作者的語言還是挺流暢的。但是似乎標(biāo)點(diǎn)有問題，該用句號(hào)的時(shí)候用逗號(hào)，改用逗號(hào)的時(shí)候用句號(hào)，這個(gè)也要扣分的!

From mentioned above, the advantages of increasing number of elderly people are obvious more than it disadvantages(典型的Chinese English.應(yīng)該說there are obviously more advantages than disadvantages.). Elderly people are not the burden of our society but the source of fortune, happiness and harmony of our society.(37words)

全文總評：

盡管總的來說語言水平還是很不錯(cuò)的，內(nèi)容也寫得很充實(shí)，但缺點(diǎn)是語言方面還是不夠細(xì)膩。此文7分。

關(guān)于“雅思作文范例欣賞，雅思高分作文及點(diǎn)評”以及相關(guān)內(nèi)容，這篇文章中國教育小編先介紹到這里了，如果你還想關(guān)注更多，那么可以繼續(xù)接著關(guān)注其他文章了解。

>> 雅思 托福 免費(fèi)測試、量身規(guī)劃、讓英語學(xué)習(xí)不再困難<<