雅思作文5分如何達(dá)到

雅思托?？荚噷τ谙胍鰢魧W(xué)或移民的人來說，是一個非常重要的考試。因此，了解考試的時間表和出分時間對于準(zhǔn)備考試的考生來說非常關(guān)鍵。下面中國教育在線外語頻道小編就為大家分享一下“雅思作文5分如何達(dá)到”？

Task2：

Nowadays， there is a trend that reports of media focus on problems and emergencies rather than positive developments. Some people think it is harmful to individuals and what extent do you agree or disagree？

如今，媒體報道的趨勢更側(cè)重于報道社會問題和突發(fā)事件，而忽視社會的積極發(fā)展。一些人認(rèn)為這對于個人和社會都是有害的。你是否同意這種觀點？

改前解析：

這是一篇媒體話題類大作文，題目類型為Opinion Question 觀點型。

題目特點：一般此類問題問你是否贊同題目所表述的觀點，贊同不贊同或者一部分贊同，都需要給出具體的原因和解釋。

具體的構(gòu)思流程，Vicky在往期推送：中已經(jīng)提到，童鞋們可以再復(fù)習(xí)一遍哦！

下面我們來看一篇考鴨的范文，

擦亮你的眼睛來找茬吧！

考生范文：

The current phenomenon of media overly focus on reporting issues and emergencies rather than positive developmentshave turned the spotlight on whether it is a positive or negative me，this could be beneficial for individuals but might be harmful to society as a whole.

Receiving accurate information of emergencies and problems could give individuals warnings. For instance， informuion including environmental problems such as air pollution is vital to pass on to the public through media. Without such information， people might keep polluting the environment until there is no solution and the world would become unlivable. Besides ， delivering important emergency warnings in time could save people＇s lives. For example，in China， thousands of people evacuated in time before the flood came in June 1998 merely because tv and radios broadcasted the emergency warning the night before the flooding. Therefore， delivering information regards to issues and emergencies is beneficial to individuals.

However，media＇s overly focus on pmblems and emergencies could lead to panic and chaos in society. There is a board consensus that public panic could result in unnecessary catastrophic chaos in society. Take the incident in Wuxi China as an example. In July 2014， a reporter in a local TV station reported a story about how the local factory has polluted the water source by pouring toxic chemicals into the river. Overnight， all the bottled water in the supermarkets was cleared out by local residents. Some people， misled by the media and filled with fears， even started a fight with the others in a shop over a bottle of water. That incident led to twenty-five adults and one child injured. Later the government issued a statement indicating that the amount of chemicals poured in the river was so small that it could not cause any serious health damage to human bodies. Accordingly， it is the media which spreading rumors about emergencies and problems that could harm the society.

In a nutshell，delivering reports which focus on problems and emergencies could be advantageous to individuals， nevertheless， it could also be harmful to society as a whole.

你能找出幾處錯誤？

你給這篇作文打幾分？

下面來看看Vicky如何精改，

同學(xué)們不僅要注意識別丟分點，

還要學(xué)習(xí)和積累其中的高分表達(dá)哦！

精改范文：

第一段：

The current phenomenon of media overly ?focusfocusing on reporting issues and emergencies rather than positive developments ? have hasturned the spotlight onwhether it is a positive or negative trend.主觀點?To me In my opinion，this could be beneficial for individuals but might be harmful to society as a whole.

錯誤：

?動詞形式使用錯誤，真正的謂語動詞為 turned，此處應(yīng)使用動名詞形式。

?該句的主語為the phenomenon，謂語動詞應(yīng)使用單數(shù)形式，改為has；

? To me 屬于非正式的口語化用語，應(yīng)改為正式性語言In my opinion；

亮點：turned the spotlight on 把焦點集中在......

重新改述了題目并明確給出了自己的觀點。

第二段：

論點1Receiving accurate information ?ofabout emergencies and problems could ?givehelp warnindividuals and enable them to prepare ings. For instance，information ? includingregardingenvironmental problems such as air pollution is vital to pass on to the public through ?the media. Without such information， people might keep polluting the environment until there is no solution and the world ? would becomebecomes unlivable.論點2?Besides，In addition，delivering important emergency warnings in time could save people＇s example，in China， thousands of people ? wereevacuated（v. 疏散；撤出）in timebefore theaflood camehitin June 1998 merely because ? tvtelevisions and radios broadcasted the emergency warning the night before the efore，delivering information ?withregard toissues and emergencies is beneficialto individuals.

錯誤：

? about用在這里更恰當(dāng)。

? 原句過于籠統(tǒng)，改動后的信息更加具體和完整。

? 根據(jù)句意，regarding更為合適；

? the media特指的是一個集合名詞，包括電視、報紙、其他傳播信息的形式，應(yīng)該使用冠詞the；

? 時態(tài)要前后統(tǒng)一，這句前面用的是there is 為一般現(xiàn)在時，所以后面應(yīng)該保持時態(tài)一致。

? besides 屬于非正式用語，不適合用于學(xué)術(shù)寫作中，應(yīng)該為in addition；

? 根據(jù)句意，應(yīng)該是“人被疏散”，所以增加be動詞were；因為具體指的是1998年的一次洪水，所以用不定冠詞a； 洪水等自然災(zāi)難來襲，用hit比較地道；

? 首先TV應(yīng)該大寫，其次在正式寫作中，不應(yīng)使用縮略簡稱等形式，應(yīng)該使用書面語；

? with regard to 為固定搭配，adv.關(guān)于；至于；

亮點：考生在這段的論述結(jié)構(gòu)值得各位考鴨學(xué)習(xí)。

整段圍繞開頭段的主觀點展開，闡述了兩個分論點并以具體例子加以證明，最后再次強調(diào)了自己的觀點。

第三段：

論點1However，the media＇s ?overly focusover-focus on pmblems and emergencies could lead to panic and chaos in e is a ?boardbroad consensusthat public panic could result in ?unnecessary catastrophic chaos in societypeople being injured or even the incident in Wuxi，China，as an July 2014， a reporter in a local TV station reported a story about how ? thealocal factory ?hashadpolluted the water source by pouring toxic chemicals into the river. Overnight，all the bottled water in the supermarkets was cleared out by local residents（精彩句子） people， misled by the media and filled with fears，even started a fight ?with the othersin a shop over a bottle of water. ?ThatThisincident led to ?twenty-five25 adults and one child ? being injured. Later，the government issued a statement indicating that the amount of chemicals poured in the river was so small that it could not cause any serious health damage to human bodies. ? Accordingly，it is the media whichspreading rumors about emergencies and problems thatcould harm thesociety.

錯誤：

? 前面為名詞所有格＇s形式，后面應(yīng)為名詞性成分，而overly focus為動詞形式，所以應(yīng)改為over-focus；

? 詞語混淆錯誤，很多考生都容易將一些形近詞誤用，再次提醒大家寫作時務(wù)必要注意區(qū)別，拼寫準(zhǔn)確；broad consensus 是常用搭配，表示＂廣泛共識＂的意思。

? 這一句與前面的句子太相似，語意重復(fù)，應(yīng)該使用多樣化的表達(dá)，進(jìn)行同義替換；另外catastrophic chaos有“詞語堆砌”之感，不是native speaker常用的地道表達(dá)，應(yīng)改成具體生動的信息。

? 因為并沒有特指某一家工廠，而且當(dāng)?shù)夭粌H一家工廠，所以是泛指，應(yīng)使用不定冠詞a；

? 該句是指過去的報道，根據(jù)句意應(yīng)該使用過去完成時。

? with the others在這里沒有必要，可去掉；

? that不太正式，并且在英語中一般常使用指示代詞this來描述所說的事件，更加客觀；

?表示1-10的數(shù)字時，應(yīng)該用對應(yīng)的英語單詞one-ten；表示11以上的數(shù)字直接用阿拉伯?dāng)?shù)字即可；

? being injured表示受傷這種狀態(tài)；

? which在這里是多余的；另外這里并沒有具體指一個社會，應(yīng)該去掉定冠詞the；

亮點：考生的觀點比較全面，在之前的主體段中給出了自己的主要觀點，同時在這段中也闡述了“不實報道會帶來的問題”，并以生動的例子加以證明。段落中還有一些精彩句子值得模仿學(xué)習(xí)哦！

第四段：

In ?a nutshellconclusion，delivering reports ?whichthat focus on problems and emergencies could beadvantageousto individuals?；nevertheless，it could also be harmful to society as a whole.

錯誤：

? 這是一個非正式短語，在學(xué)術(shù)寫作中盡量避免使用習(xí)語和一些陳詞濫調(diào)的表達(dá)。

? 關(guān)于which和that，非特殊條件下，中國學(xué)生一般習(xí)慣互換，但其實兩者之間還是有使用差別的，用which時，表示你說的情況適用于你談?wù)摰乃惺挛?；而用that時，只適用于你說的一些事物；

舉個栗子，

All Dalmatians（n. 斑點狗），whichhave spots， are good pets.

這個句子中，我們知道斑點狗都有斑點，這里用which表達(dá)適用于所說的事物；并且whichhave spots和主語用逗號隔開；

Dogsthathave spots are good pets.

這個句子就是特指有斑點的狗，所有用that表示部分情況，且與主語間沒有逗號。

作文中，delivering reports 后面所說的情況是部分類型的報道，因此應(yīng)使用that。

? 兩種觀點間應(yīng)用分號隔開。

亮點：總結(jié)段很簡潔并且全面，還使用了一些高分詞匯。

Vicky點評：

亮點：

該考生的文章結(jié)構(gòu)和對寫作任務(wù)的處理還算恰當(dāng)，大部分例子中的過渡性短語比較準(zhǔn)確，清晰地表明了不同觀點間的關(guān)系；

個別句子的表達(dá)也很出色，用到一些高分詞匯，已經(jīng)用綠色標(biāo)注，大家可以借鑒學(xué)習(xí)。

主要問題是：

1.存在語法和詞匯錯誤，包括時態(tài)、冠詞、介詞、謂語動詞單復(fù)數(shù)、詞語混淆等，

2.一些非正式用語錯誤，包括縮寫、簡稱、俗語等，各位小伙伴在平時的寫作練習(xí)中一定要注意檢查糾錯，切莫讓這些小問題積少成多，導(dǎo)致嚴(yán)重扣分！

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