雅思閱讀中關(guān)于讓爭辯惡化的語句

雅思托?？荚囀侨蜃顝V泛使用的英語語言考試之一，被許多國家的大學(xué)、移民機(jī)構(gòu)、企業(yè)和政府部門用作衡量語言能力的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)?？忌枰诼牎⒄f、讀、寫四個(gè)方面進(jìn)行測試，其中有不少同學(xué)想要了解：雅思閱讀中關(guān)于讓爭辯惡化的語句，那么下面中國教育在線小編就來和大家分享一番。

雅思閱讀中關(guān)于讓爭辯惡化的語句

You may think you're helpingbut you're just screwing things up more.

This is your brain on an argument

When you argue, you are at your most animal. Your brain literally enters fight-or-flight mode, your heart-rate escalates, and logic and reasoning physically shut down. It's little wonder you usually say a lot of bonehead things you end up regretting in the morning. Don't worry: We are all guilty of the same stupidity, and sometimes the key to a painless argument is what you don'tsay. For starters, here are six research-backed phrases proven to make any bad argument worse.

你可能覺得你在幫著事情變好但其實(shí)你只會(huì)弄得更糟。

在爭吵的時(shí)候你的大腦就是這樣的

當(dāng)你爭吵的時(shí)候，你會(huì)失去理性。你的大腦簡直進(jìn)入了爭斗模式，你的心跳逐步上升，邏輯思維關(guān)閉。所以你會(huì)做一些第二天早上起來后悔的傻事也是正常的。別擔(dān)心：我們都犯一樣的傻，都很愧疚，而使?fàn)幷摬粋说闹攸c(diǎn)有的時(shí)候在于你不能說什么。對(duì)于剛開始接觸這些的人，下面是6個(gè)有研究依據(jù)的在爭論中不要說的那些話。

Don't mention getting calm

According to parenting experts and hostage negotiators alike, the biggest mistake most people make in an argument is denying the other persons feelings. Think for a moment if the words calm down have ever actually made you calmer. More than likely, theyve only ever made you feel more annoyedWhy does this person think Im overreacting? He doesnt understand me at all!

Telling a person to calm down assigns them a negative emotion (be it anger, anxiety, stubbornness, etc.) while denying their actual feelings. This seeming lack of empathy can be detrimental to reaching a mutual understanding, which is a far more important outcome than winning an argument. So instead of telling your companion how to feel, seek first to understand how they feel. Step one: listen.

不要提及保持鎮(zhèn)定

根據(jù)育兒專家和人質(zhì)談判專家的想法，人們在爭吵中犯的最大的錯(cuò)誤就是否定別人的想法。你考慮一下，你冷靜點(diǎn)這句話到底有沒有有效過?很可能，這句話會(huì)使你更加惱怒為什么這個(gè)人覺得我太激動(dòng)了?他一點(diǎn)都不理解我怎么想的!

告訴一個(gè)人要冷靜，會(huì)在否定他們想法的同時(shí)激發(fā)他們的負(fù)面情緒(如憤怒、焦慮、固執(zhí)逆反等。)這種不能感同身受的感覺對(duì)于互相理解是很有害的。然而達(dá)成互相理解相對(duì)于勝利而言，在爭論中反而更重要。所以與其告訴對(duì)方該怎么做，還不如先理解一下他們怎么想。第一步：傾聽。

Don't try to quiet their emotions

Always let the other person vent, no matter how long or loud that venting may be. If the emotional level is high, your first task is to take some of the emotion out, says Linda Hill, professor of business administration at Harvard Business School. Hold back and let them say their piece. You dont have to agree with it, but listen.

Often times, just talking honestly about a problem is enough to make a person feel better about it (hence, therapy). And as an argument participant, know that every word your companion says is a step toward mutual understanding. Just be careful how you approach it.

別試圖安撫他們的情緒波動(dòng)

記得總是讓別人發(fā)泄，無論他們發(fā)泄時(shí)間有多長，或者有多吵。如果一個(gè)人的情緒到了頂峰，你的首要任務(wù)是讓他發(fā)泄出來。琳達(dá)，哈佛商學(xué)院的商務(wù)行政顧問說。讓他們發(fā)泄出來，你不必要附和，但要聽。

大部分情況下，只要誠實(shí)地和一個(gè)人聊一個(gè)問題就能足夠讓他感覺好一點(diǎn)了。(因此這是一種好安撫方法)作為一個(gè)爭論的參與者，你需要知道對(duì)方說的每一個(gè)詞都在朝著共同理解的方向發(fā)展。但如何達(dá)成共識(shí)，需要謹(jǐn)慎處理。

Don't fake-empathize

This stock phrase almost always comes across wrong; you may be trying to say, your emotions are valid, but the other person will more likely hear, I get itso stop talking. Instead of merely saying you understand someones feelings, show them by doing what FBI negotiators do: paraphrase.

The idea is to really listen to what the other side is saying and feed it back to them, says FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss. Its kind of a discovery process for both sides. First of all, youre trying to discover whats important to them, and secondly, youre trying to help them hear what theyre saying to find out if what they are saying makes sense. If everyones on the same page, you can start moving toward reconciliation.

不要假裝理解

這種老套的話常常會(huì)被理解錯(cuò)：你可能想說你的情緒是正常的，但是別人更可能認(rèn)為你在說我知道了知道了，別說了。所以不僅僅要說你理解別人的想法，還要給他們展現(xiàn)FBI談判家常常做的事情：復(fù)述。

FBI人質(zhì)解救家克里斯說，你需要真正地聽對(duì)方在說什么，然后給予反饋。這對(duì)雙方來說都有點(diǎn)像一種挖掘過程。首先你們要試著發(fā)現(xiàn)什么對(duì)對(duì)方最重要，其次要幫助對(duì)方弄懂他們到底在說什么，這樣才能明白說的是否有意義。如果每個(gè)人都能理解對(duì)方了，你們接下來就可以試著和解。

Don't tell someone how to feel

It may sound to you like youre acknowledging the other persons feelings, but by adding a should or shouldnt you are condemning and judging them just as much. Psychologists call this subtractive empathya response that diminishes and distorts what the other person has just said, often making them feel worse.

Instead of judging a feeling, try giving it a concrete name by saying something like, You sound pretty hurt about [problem]. It doesnt seem fair. Thats what psychologists call additive empathyit identifies a feeling, then adds a new layer of understanding that can lead to a potential solution. Think you have a solution? Be careful how you phrase it.

別告訴別人應(yīng)該怎么想

雖然看起來好像你是在認(rèn)同別人的想法，但是加了應(yīng)該或不應(yīng)該這種詞匯之后，你等于是在譴責(zé)和審判他們。這種感覺被心理學(xué)家稱呼為弱化共感是一種會(huì)弱化及扭曲對(duì)方所說話語的反應(yīng)，通常會(huì)讓他們更不好受。

因此，試著給別人一點(diǎn)實(shí)在的東西，如你一定因?yàn)檫@個(gè)問題而很受傷，這不公平而不是給別人的想法下判斷。心理學(xué)家稱呼這種感覺為強(qiáng)化共感在理清一種感情的同時(shí)，還能加上新一層的理解，有助于達(dá)成和解。你覺得你有問題的解決辦法?給對(duì)方講解的時(shí)候要小心說話。

Don't tell someone what to do

When the fight-or-flight response is triggered, power becomes deceptively crucial to us. Telling someone what to do takes away their power; if they listen to your advice, they may feel less smart or less autonomous, and they will resent you for that. Whats more, insisting that an answer depends solely on the other person changing their behavior removes personal responsibility from the equation, and thats no way to make friends or learn from your mistakes.

The superior phrase: What would you like me to do? This handy question leaves the other person with their autonomy, and proves youre willing to meet them halfway. It also moves your brains away from fight mode, and closer to the land of logical compromise.

別告訴別人應(yīng)該怎么做

當(dāng)作戰(zhàn)模式啟動(dòng)的時(shí)候，權(quán)力變得尤為重要。告訴別人怎么做會(huì)拿走他們的權(quán)力;如果他們聽從了你的建議，就會(huì)覺得自己更笨或者更沒主見，然后他們會(huì)怪罪于你。更重要的是，堅(jiān)持解決方案完全取決于對(duì)方是否改變行為，將會(huì)把自己的責(zé)任從對(duì)等的責(zé)任移除，你這么做就沒辦法交朋友，或者從錯(cuò)誤中吸取教訓(xùn)。

最合適的語句：你希望我怎么做?這種容易解答的問題給對(duì)方留了主動(dòng)權(quán)，也證明你想遷就他們。這句話也會(huì)讓你的大腦從戰(zhàn)斗模式中脫離，離理智與妥協(xié)的大陸更近一步。

Don't force a resolution

Never fret if you cant settle an argument in one shot. According to relationship psychologist John Gottman, PhD, 69 percent of a couples problems are perpetualthey will never be resolved. By fighting over [inherent] differences, all [couples] succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage, Gottman says.

While this may sound depressing to anyone new to a serious relationship, its meant to be liberating. Once you realize some arguments can never be won, it makes them that much easier to drop. You fight. You make up. You move on with life. Despite what your fight-or-flight brain chemistry is telling you, winning doesnt matter; most of the time, it isnt even possible.

不要強(qiáng)行和解

永遠(yuǎn)不要為了爭論不能一次解決而煩惱。根據(jù)心理關(guān)系學(xué)家約翰高特曼的說法，69%夫婦的問題是永久性的永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)被解決。爭論[固有]的差異，所有[夫婦]在這個(gè)過程中做的只有浪費(fèi)時(shí)間并傷害感情。

雖然這消息對(duì)那些剛建立一段認(rèn)真關(guān)系的人來說比較壓抑，但其實(shí)是有益的。一旦你意識(shí)到有些爭論永遠(yuǎn)沒有輸贏，你會(huì)更容易放下這些爭論。你們吵了，和好了，人生繼續(xù)前進(jìn)。不管你戰(zhàn)斗狀態(tài)下的大腦中的化學(xué)物質(zhì)怎么說，勝利都不重要，而且大部分時(shí)候，甚至是不可能的。

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